I knew better. Really I did.

I always say if you are going to err when making compost, err on the side of too much air or too much carbon. 

Too much water or too much nitrogen and your compost will go ANAEROBIC and it will smell like SHIT, literally.

Good compost smells like the forest floor, sweet and rich..

 Trust your nose. Your nose knows. If it smells like S%&T or vinegar or alcohol, it ain´t compost.

When you are making compost, in the balance between water and air, it is better to have too much air. This way your compost may take longer but it won´t go anaerobic. All will be fine.

Also, when you are making compost, in the balance between carbon, such as dry leaves, and nitrogen, such as green leaves, too much carbon is better. Again, too much carbon is slower but no problem arises.

 Too much carbon or too much air and life is good.

 Too much nitrogen and too much water…. Read on if you dare.

Normally when I buy chicken “stuff” to make compost, we get the stuff from meat chickens which are killed at maybe 7 weeks of age so the floor gets cleaned every 7 weeks. This mixture of poop and rice hulls is high in carbon and low in nitrogen. The compost that we made with that was always great.

This time we got poop from egg laying birds which poop on their rice hulls for more than a year. This mixture is really high in Nitrogen.

 How does yours truely handle this? I already had a mixture high in nitrogen. In a flash of brilliance I decided to add a lot of green leaves to the mixture to raise the level of nitrogen even higher. I broke Rule No. 1.

Then Sir Smart Guy does not tell the folks making the compost to cover it with a tarp or such. 

I broke another rule No. 1. Always cover your compost or it will rain.

This time it didn´t rain. A BLEEPING MONSOON HIT AND THE COMPOST WAS AN UPSIDE DOWN LAKE GROWING OUT OF A SWAMP. This compost was a festering inspiration to go far away.

I previously tried to describe what anaerobic smells like. Normally the revulsion you enjoy when you step in really fresh doggy doo is accurate enough. This compost though was special.

It is a heavy favorite for gold in the Vomiting Olympics in the categories of both Volume and Distance Hurled.

Regards Quality, all other contestants have already withdrawn.

See our lovely Lynea, the masked compost turner, shoveling while holding her breath. Run to pile. Throw a shovel full at the mixture. Run retching violently away. “It enters through my pores.” She weeps.

May I gently suggest dear reader, when you make compost, do as I say, not as I do.